Grieving and its effects on your body…
Today marks four years since Wayne passed away…
Every detail of that day is still so clear in my mind, it’s the last day I got to hold his hand, and give him a squeeze.
It was the last day I got to speak to him, and prayed he heard every word…
It was the day I was dreading and it’s a day I will never ever forget.
What I have learnt from this day and the loss we have all endured has been far from what I have ever imagined.
A very emotional day – a week before Wayne passed away
It’s given me a mission, it’s taken my learning to an entirely different level, it has opened me up to grow a hundred times more than I ever thought.
Losing a loved one affects everyone in a different way, the grieving process is also different for each person.
The way we go about coping is totally individual, and for me, after some time I found I wanted to connect to my spiritual side a lot more.
Through my special support group, I found a connection to Wayne and this has certainly helped me to accept what has happened (I don’t like that it happened, but I accept it), and to realise why my mission began to get the message out about the importance of how our health and lifestyles need to be managed.
I know for some people they are a bit skeptical about the spiritual existence, but having faith is a wonderful thing. There is nothing wrong with believing to help you through grief and hard times.
Grief can damage our hormones, through suppression, and again signalling stress in our bodies. Longing for our hearts to heal causes our hormone receptors to change, due to loss of appetite or loss of sleep for example, and this is very common when you are feeling sad, totally scared and frightened of the unknown.
These factors trigger the cortisol levels in our body, and signs of this is gaining weight around our stomachs, and for some this causes more stress and upset.
Others may notice their skin ages, and this is due to cell damage, dehydration in the skin because the body is not recognising the nutrients coming into the body from the stress reactions (fight and flight nervous system), therefore not able to digest these nutrients into the cells.
Grief affects us many ways, consciously and unconsciously. So in the case of consciously we can take action or at least be mindful of how we feel and react.
Unconsciously is where it is harder, we think we are doing the right things, but the grief itself and stress unfortunately is taking its toll on the inside.
Wayne was always a major part of my life, and his passing has left a huge hole in my heart, but talking about him, remembering all the things we did growing up, will always keep his spirit alive within me; this can be very uplifting.
A moment never to forget:
This was the last photo taken of Wayne five days before he passed – it was one of the toughest days and I will never forget what he said to me “I’m sorry”
My two messages are:
1.To those that have been lucky enough to still have all their loved ones here on Earth, is to not be afraid to ask others about their loved ones they have lost.
You may feel uncomfortable and no-one likes to talk about things that will upset others, but to those that have lost, they want to talk about it – because no matter how many years it has been, it will always feel like only yesterday to some, and for others maybe a few years even after many years.
Yes I get a lump in my throat, but I love when someone asks me about Wayne, there’s always a story to tell, sometimes a tear to shed, but it helps to connect.
2. For those that have lost, try to find a part of the day to focus on your breathing, to help calm the nervous system and to slow down with your to-do list. Taking out some of the stress you are aware of will be needed because there will be many other unconscious stresses that will be going crazy that may be harming you internally.
Find some help and support either with a coach or a support group if you can.
I am grateful Wayne is resting in peace, and I thank you for joining in on his stories in the “week of Wayne”…
Forever my brother and forever my Angel xxxx
Wayne always annoying me – but I never stopped loving him as his little sis.
